Sports Booster is Not-so-Hot Air

Posted: April 9, 2011 by TheWild Webster in Mock News, Science Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Oh-Tuu Sports enhancer

June 2023 – Some devotees of many popular O2 sports booster products are reeling this week after it was revealed that many of the mass produced ‘performance boosting’ respiration products are little more than filtered city air.

Many such ‘performance’ air products have gained popularity among sporting and active lifestyle devotees, but unlike medical grade oxygen sources it seems that the consumer products are – and in many cases never have been – anything more sophisticated than double or triple filtered atmospheric gas.

Many makers of such products are racing to address the concerns such as Gato-Air and Mountain Blew, who both held press conferences this week to defend their product lines.

The hubub began when it was learned that a well-known brand of bottled air was actually created by the City of Akron’s public air purification facility and sold to help raise profits to fund local government.

“Strict EPA and OSHA standards already require us to maintain high grade Hepa and other allergen filters on all city buildings,” said a city spokesperson.  “It seemed only natural to market some of that purified air to take advantage of the growing craze for performance inhalation enhancers.”

The enhanced air market accounts for close to $200 million in sales nationwide and that is up over 20% from just two years ago.

Some consumers of the more popular brands of performance oxygen are calling upon the FDA to consider regulation of the industry.

“I just want to be sure that I’m not breathing some downtown exhaust when I lay my $4 down,” said one O2 user.

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Comments
  1. Inspired by the ongoing ‘bottled water’ craze. I remember back in the mid 80’s (when the only bottled water you could buy was either premium sparkling perrier or the $0.25 gallon jug of distilled water for your steam iron) telling a friend of mine “find a way to market water, and you can make millions!”
    He thought I was insane. Sell water???? You might as well sell air! (of course, that’s what the carbon credit nonsense is about btw)
    But if you think about it, with all the ‘go green’ stuff and all the various electrolyte drinks and flavored or enhanced waters and other sport enhancing goodies coming along, it’s only a matter of time before air gets included in the lot. Let a few big name sports endorsers do it and everyone else will want it too!

    FYI, the ‘mock-news’ is starting to become enough of a regular inspiration for me that I’m going to start moving them over to a new site to leave ObjectOpus more specific to the works of fiction. A few stories will remain cross posted if they are more directly reflecting an O’ist perspective.

  2. Oh, also an FYI, the most common ‘electrolyte’ is table salt. Brondo! It’s what plants crave… it has electrolytes!

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